


Tahiti Sounds Good

by okayokayigive



Category: The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-21
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-05 08:43:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1091914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okayokayigive/pseuds/okayokayigive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's a little sacrifice when it comes to saving the human race?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tahiti Sounds Good

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cjmarlowe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjmarlowe/gifts).



"Look at them. Silly, self-obsessed mortals. They all move so fast."

"It's like they know the end of the world is coming." The Director chuckled darkly and sipped her coffee. "So, problem with the plans for this year's London harvest? You wouldn't have flown me here for no reason, Paul."

"There were some complications with our test run. The kids are too cynical, too jaded. Too weary." He worried the handle of his cup with his cup as he set it down. "It's probably easier to show you. Shall we?"

\--

On a large screen set into the wall, a video displayed five teenagers, standing defiant. One, the apparent leader, stepped forward and swept his glance in a half-circle, chin set and head held high, addressing cameras he knew were there but couldn't see.

"I don't know who you are. I don't know if we're on some twisted reality show, or if we're the prey for your hunt. But here's what I do know: we're not going to play your game. Let us go, or in five minutes, we sacrifice ourselves and put an end to any sick fun you're having."

He stepped back, joining hands with those on either side of him. The group stood motionless as the timestamp on the recording ticked away, tony shifts the only indication of movement, even as the playback sped up. The video returned to normal speed just before five minutes had passed for the youths on the screen.

Over the speakers, a watch beeped.

A girl started to weep softly.

An internal message flashed "WARNING" on the screen in large red letters.

Behind the Director, Paul cleared his throat. "We didn't let them go, of course. We figured they'd spook, they'd run, they'd fight. We expected any of the typical - and some of the atypical - reactions. We even gassed them with Fear 17 - but they didn't seem to care."

A quiet voice filled the room as the figures on the screen dug into their pockets. "All at once, yeah? If their stupid game requires us to die in a certain order, we don't want to give them the satisfaction."

Merely a shadow on the screen, the Director winced.

"Oh, it gets worse," huffed Paul.

The Director steeled herself and watched as the camera zoomed in on the items the teens had pulled from their pockets: a shard of silvery glass from the cursed mirror in the basement. Poisoned red-orange berries from the bushes outside the hut. An intricately carved wooden box that, when opened, would steal the bearer's breath. The bronze, jewel-handled dagger that creates wounds which never heal. The Collar of Kundrazali, which strangles the wearer until it decapitates them.

"Using our own weapons against us. Interesting."

Onscreen, the blood ran, throats gurgled, bodies and heads fell to the ground.

The video went dark.

"So you had a bad group. Choose better subjects, use better chemicals, switch scenarios. This is an administrative and logistical failure, not an executive one. This is not something I should be wasting my time on. Worst-case scenario, London loses. Face it, Paul, the Americans are going to win anyway. As long as the Ancient Ones are pleased, it's not my problem."

The Director turned and stalked out of the room, Paul following closely on her heels.

"But, you see, this wasn't the first."

He narrowly avoided slamming into her back when she stopped dead and turned on one heel to face him.

"Pardon?"

"This wasn't the first. We ran seven test runs - all with the same results. And it's not just here. London, Tokyo, Madrid, Melbourne, Montreal, Bangkok - and yes, even the Americans - they're all reporting similar results. All over the world, the game is ending before it's begun."

"So why bring me here?"

"I drew the short straw."

"Ah."

Paul stepped back, as if the gesture and the extra space would give him some authority in the matter. "We've deployed our strongest chemicals, loosed our most terrifying nightmare children - and _nothing_. Because they never get close enough. They shut things down before we get a chance."

"I see. Well, thank you for keeping me informed."

The Director turned again and strode down the hallway, leaving Paul speechless in her wake. As she exited the building and waited at the street crossing, she thumbed an email on her phone.

Subject: Family Holiday in Tahiti?

Hi everyone! I'd love to bring you to my place on the island for a little reunion of all the cousins. Shall we say the weekend of June 15th? I usually have a work commitment then, but this year I find myself free. Pack light! I have everything you'll need.

Barely looking up from her phone, she crossed the street, losing herself in the crowd, and filled in the names:

Laura (Backup-Whore)  
Bobby (Backup-Athlete)  
Phil (Backup-Fool)  
Jo (Backup-Scholar)  
Dorothy (Backup-Virgin)

"Sometimes," she mumbled to herself as she hit send, "you really do need to do everything yourself."

The Director boarded the train toward the airport and began a mental list of preparations she'd need to make before her cousins arrived. Towels, groceries, more chlorine for the pool...oh,yes. Checking the collection mechanisms - that was definitely the first step.

\--

_Re: Family Holiday in Tahiti?  
I've always wanted to come for a visit, cuz. I hear Tahiti's a magical place. -Phil_

_Re: Family Holiday in Tahiti?  
Oh, you know I'm in! Is there a gym? -Bob_

_Re: Family Holiday in Tahiti?  
I'm so there. And I'm dragging Dot along, whether she likes it or not. -L._

_Re: Re: Family Holiday in Tahiti?  
Fine. I'll be there, but only because Laura's paying for my flight. -Dorothy_

_Re: Family Holiday in Tahiti?  
Be there at 5 on the 15th, flight 3365. -Jo_

The Director smiled and stuffed her phone back in her bag as she made her way to the jetway to board her flight. The Ancient Ones would be satisfied. She'd make sure of it. After all, what's a little family sacrifice when it comes to keeping the human race alive?

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Happy Yuletide, CJ!


End file.
